There is no inherent underlying meaning in things we see and touch everyday. Perhaps it's a painting, perhaps the way the evening light hits the park bench, or how the lines of a building lines up with another creating a pattern, of sorts.
It started with an idea or rather an intention to create something but certain things never come to light. Or rather in our attempt to keep it in the shadows, it would still be inadvertently found. I guess if and when this does go out, that would probably be an ironic statement to start off with.
I have often talked about the illusion of control, and for someone obsessed with the need for control through heavy expenses into daily routines and rituals, in efforts to erect a wall against the inevitability of entropy - the impact of which definitely has put me almost into a kind of catatonia. Grasping, floating around like flotsam and jetsam of a wrecked ship stripped layer by layer.
I want to talk about actions and repercussions. How the things that we do minute to minute, day to day has quite the drastic effect on ourselves in the future, in a way that we will not be able to predict that the *minute* decisions we make, be it subconsciously or not would create such an outcome. This mentality is a double edged sword. On one hand it has allowed me the discipline and will to put forward only creative and productive actions. At the same time, it causes debilitating procrastination due to the fear of not achieving perfection. The action of grinding gears till the teeth gets worn out, and you fall apart.
Perceptually the differences are minute, that is, if you take into consideration the entities' core and compare the two. However, the differences are interminable when you take into account the minutiae.
I have not written anything for close to four months now. I just ... fell off of it. I even stopped writing on my journal, if I had kept it up. the book would have been finished by now. It is one those things that I have always tried to remind myself about or chided myself when I did not live up to that standard that I had set for myself.
This was a month of existential contemplation and relational confrontations. I would definitely not look back fondly on the latter. Then again, to say that for the former is also egregious as that is something, at least for me, has been a lifelong process not just for this current period in time. At the same time, the latter is not quite done yet either. It is almost a Sisyphean task to overcome.
Scarcity refers to the gap between finite resources and unlimited wants. And as an inherently introverted person, thinking about the things that I have to do socially requires (a lot of) thought and planning. Things that are good to do, or nice to have have to be balanced against the finite resource that is time, money and most importantly energy.
We have reached half of the year today. No, it is not anything significant besides acting as a checkpoint, well, to check or see how much that has been accomplished this past half of the year. It does not have to be so but it is what I have been doing monthly either way. That is not to say I do not do daily reflections too. You might say I spend a lot of time looking back at the things I did, the thoughts that ran through my mind, the people I have met, the stories that I have heard. All these things or occurrences that has transpired in my life mattered at one point in time, in those points in time in my life that they mattered.
Not in reference to a particular day in May but if you have been keeping up with reading the monthlies, you would know that this is the fourth one in the series but in actuality it is the fifth because I broke the chain earlier this month.
If you are privy to the title, then great. If not, it is a song by Tool is a bit about breaking negative patterns, in standard Tool fashion, with sex allegories. I recommend you give it a listen, well, also the other Tool songs.
I have not been diligent this time. Coming up with something for the month of March would prove to be challenging mostly because it was fraught with assignments and examinations. I am halfway through at this juncture. I must say I am disappointed in various aspects of my progress or rather the hindrances to the things that I want to do or achieve (excuses).
After a bit of a sporadic first month, things are starting to stabilise. A lot of the time there is that feeling of jadedness within myself, with everything that I was experiencing. Social interactions became less and less interesting; onset of boredom, desolation and everything in between, hidden behind a facade of smiles and cheery voices.
A month has passed. Some things has certainly changed, and others remained the same or in the sense that they became solidified. I have come to know a myriad of interesting characters, some having the potential of being a part of a greater ideal, others may just be passing acquaintances. Only time will tell.
As it goes, it's the new year, so we have to post something to reflect on the previous year, be it a change that one inspires to do or a reflection. But everyone does it. So, you decide not to do one. But then again, you give admission to the fact that people do. To not do one is reactionary due to the fact that you didn't do it because of others but even if you *didn't* think of that, and should you be asked, no one would believe it. But you don't really *care*, right?
It's a click-bait-y title but it's not that all inaccurate. This would be the last photo series posted for the foreseeable future, well, until I'm done with the exchange probably, and done with the portrait series. Instagram would stop for a bit as well. I have a few more photos from this series to be posted then it'll stop when I fly off this Saturday. Instagram Stories may still be a thing though, but I have to figure out where and how to edit videos in Sweden. The Android apps aren't any good, so we'll see how that goes.
What's this about? Well, everything and nothing. Just figured I should write something today and see where my mind takes me. And I apologise for the recent posts, they haven't been about photography per se. But you know, my internal processes and my environment does affect it, so in a way, I am. It's a bit of a stretch but hey, it's my website. I think I get to do almost anything I want.
For those who are privy, you know that I have posted some video blogs or video logs or vlogs on Instagram. Not sure why I wanted to do this but I saw a video (*as always*) and decided to myself
I do not deem myself to be an expert on stoicism or even talk about it at a capacity whereby I can be said to be knowledgeable about it. However, I do want to talk about it in the perspective that I see life in or rather, in the limited way by which I utilise this philosophy in mine. Or perhaps, sometimes the failure of which.
The title of my website means *journal* in Spanish. But if you look at it in English, vista means pleasing view. And the "re" means looking back, or repeating. So all in all, should be pretty self explanatory.
I started this post but totally forgot about it. Which was four days ago. Better late than never right?
It's probably just the nature of things. The more you sit on it, and dwell on it - the more you see things, newer things that you haven't seen before.
This is something that I have always liked doing but I don't think that I have gotten any better at it. I don't know really. So, enjoy these ones, and if you're able, tell me how I can improve on the shots. These are in colour, so that's always something different from my usual black-and-white perspective of the world. I'll be running out of photos to post pretty soon. But fortunately, I have a bunch of film to shoot with soon. 9 rolls of Tri-X and 5 rolls of CineStill 800T. Really looking forward to that. Hope you are too.
As you have seen (or have not), I have yet again created a new page. This is more for the short term, specific-focused works that I have, compared to the more longer term yet not really long-form works that you have seen, that took months or years to have finally seen the light of day (I just love long running sentences, don't I?).
I'm pretty sure she would not be too keen on this considering everything that has been happening however I feel that I should do this.
In about three months I will leave the country to the cold, cold Scandinavian lands.
I have been doing a lot of darkroom printing lately, and posting photos from my Hong Kong trip a year ago. But for the most part I have a dearth of content to post I think, so that has to change if I can say so myself. Being in university certainly does not make that easier, and I am sick. Again. It's probably the same thing which came back. I didn't really give myself time to recover fully too, so there's that. I tend to think I can do anything when I can't. Getting old now.
I have been thinking of making one for quite a while (that's a recurring theme with me&colon waiting). And I probably should in the foreseeable future. But instead of just using the photos that I already have, maybe I'll make one for my significant other, with photos of our travels. Also, another from scratch, just starting on a project. Setting the number of images to go into it, the size of the zine and all that. That would be interesting. And I want to do it before the end of this year before I leave for my exchange.
Shooting on colour was not too shabby. However, I should have developed the film negatives as soon as possible. A lot of the colour might have "run out", "faded off" maybe. I'm not too sure. I don't think Kodak Portra 400 should look like that even pushed to 1600. I took a whole year to finally develop and scan them. So a lot of tinkering had to be done just to get the colour that I want but even then it might not be up to the level that I want it to be.
I can't think of a better title that just means colour, so chroma it is then. I'll be posting the photos shortly and I hope you like them. Constructive feedback is welcomed. I think.
As you may have deduced from the title. I have started scanning my colour negatives, and I must say that it is hard. Very hard. It's tedious work getting the colour right. Then again, this is new for me. So it is a learning process. I have not yet decided whether this scanner was a good purchase or not. But time will tell. Till then, hold tight. Changes are a comin'.
Didn't really think that this would be a thing, but apparently it has now. I'm writing again. I think there's cause for celebration.
As I have said before the lack of dedicate film scanner means that the quality of the photos are sub-par. That is in the technical sense. But there's also the aesthetic quality that we have to talk about, or rather I do. I am not quite satisfied with it. I don't quite know what to do with the existing images that I do have besides editing them the best I can and uploading them here. Of course, Instagram hides the flaws more but I suppose the whole point of having this site is to be honest about everything.
I was not quite expecting to write one but perhaps I should. Do not get me wrong this is first and foremost a place for my images and the attention should be solely on them. You can call it my portfolio if you like. Instagram doesn't quite cut in terms of the resolution of the images but it serves its purpose as a quick way to show people my work.